Carson Sue is one of the greatest human beings to ever exist in the history of mankind. He is the inventor of the balloon, the tricycle, the porcupine, the pencil, Jackson Werner, Kim Kardashian's fame, Italy, circa 1864, Spngebob, the sponge, every Bob ever, and the internet. With out this sexy beast you wouldn't be reading this. That's right folks, every liquid ounce of your money belongs to Carson, especially if you are named Bob.

Carson was born in the beginning of time in London, Germany. He was praised by all from his birth on, especially by his nemesis Aric. He went to school at Duke University in Russia and majored in the French Revolution. Once after conquering the universe and back, Carson got to inventing many of the things listed above and much more. He worked most of all of his glorious 666 years of life doing so besides the two years he had of schooling. At March 24, 1777, Carson lay at his death bed and with his 666 wives and 69 children. His final words shook the nation as it was broadcasted nationally stating thus, "PLEASE FEED MY BIRDS." With these words his last breath escaped him as everyone wept causing a massive worldwide flood. This is how the story of Noah's Arc was born, although it originated from this tragic event.

Since Carson was such a beast, he acquired many enemies which he soon decimated. The most outstanding of his nemesis's was the one and only Aric. Aric, after becoming french toast multiple times by the hands of Carson, still tried to conquer Carson's success by blocking his house with marshmallows. It was an incredible boost to the economy, but Carson didn't give a single fuck. He burned them and turned Aric into french toast. This mini war occurred for around 900 years, and even though Aric died in 2090, the war wages on between the two somehow. Since Carson did outlive Aric, Carson was crowned champion as usual.

Carson's last few words definitely shook the world and brought us in awe. Even so, no one has been able to decipher the true meaning of this message. One might say he wants to keep his blue jays well fed. On the contrary, scientists believe this isn't the case. Recent studies have shown that these words have more meaning than meets the eye. Since I am only a writer, I am not allowed to leak this vital information less I don't want any genitalia so I will have to keep you waiting.

Carson's life was a short but important life. Without his success and inventions, we wouldn't even exist. One might say that he is the messiah of god, but the others will tell him to shut up and then war will rage for hundreds of years because religion is a bitch. Nonetheless, Carson was an inspired legend with a dream about poodles.

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